The Power of Connection: Motivation Behind Being Good or Bad

Have you ever wondered what it means to be good or bad? About whether you are good or bad? Or about what makes us bad or good? And what defines our children in these categories? Is a child good or bad?

Could it be our actions? Our words? Our feelings? Our thoughts? Emotions? Or maybe a combination of all of the above?

If a person was good-natured, cared for sick and stray animals he must be good? But what if that person did something bad, would he or she become bad and the previous doesn't count? Or will he remain good?

The answer is really simple. There are no such categories as bad and good. There is no purely white or purely black in this regard. In each of us there is an instinct to be good and to be bad.

And what is responsible for which instinct is active? Relationships.

It is the relationship with each particular person that determines whether I am good or bad right now.

Because the relationship, our attachments, what's in the space between two people, is the starting point for us in many ways. And in this question too.

So if my relationship with a person is strong, and I value him, then I will accordingly act taking into account his needs and interests. And if the relationship with a person is strained, then I will not take him into account, and for this person I will seem bad.

The same is true for children. This instinct begins to grow in us at about the age of 2-3 years, along with the attachment levels of "belonging and loyalty" and "significance." It is our strong attachment, deepened to these levels, that encourages our children to be good for us. Our relationship with our child acts as a motivator.

These are the instincts that prompt the child to obey us, to follow our instructions, to be good for us. That is why up to 2 years of discipline as such does not make sense, because there are not yet these instincts, there is no motivation.

So if someone tells you that your child is bad, or if you yourself have this thought, first of all look at the relationships. After all, it is what motivates the child to be good or bad for us.